


no matter what i say, i'm not over you

by wavverlyearp



Series: it's been ten years since i called you mine [1]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, ten years later au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-07-29 03:29:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16255742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wavverlyearp/pseuds/wavverlyearp
Summary: It had been ten years since Nicole Haught last laid eyes on Waverly Earp.Ten years since she had pleaded for the brunette to stay.Ten years.But there she was, the vision that was Waverly Earp, stood three feet in front of her, ordering a coffee as if nothing had ever happened.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, and welcome to the wayhaught au that nobody knew they wanted until I tweeted this summary two days ago. 
> 
> For those of you who don't follow me on twitter, hi, this is happening and I hope you enjoy this start to this new series. For those of you who do follow me or found this through my twitter, hope this lives up to your expectations (that seem to be set far too high).
> 
> Before you start reading, just got some things to explain. This fic is an au set in a world where there is no Earp curse or demons and we're starting off this first part ten years after Nicole and Waverly broke up. The order I post parts won't be in chronological order, but there will be a date in the top right corner of every part (and you'll be able to pick up pretty quickly if it's set before or after these ten years/the break up etc). Also chapters in which they aren't together will tend to have two chapter (like this one for example) where I will write the chapter from both Nicole and Waverly's POV.
> 
> Enough of me rambling though, please enjoy the first part of this series! <3

_  
22nd February 2028_

 

It had been ten years since Nicole Haught last laid eyes on Waverly Earp.

 

Ten years since she had pleaded for the brunette to stay.

 

Ten years.

 

But there she was, the vision that was Waverly Earp, stood three feet in front of her, ordering a coffee as if nothing had ever happened.

 

As if _they_ had never happened.

 

She watched, frozen still in the entrance of the coffee shop, completely entranced by the woman she once knew.

 

Waverly’s smile was infectious and Nicole could feel the smile on her own face grow as she watched the brunette’s energy transfer to the woman behind the counter.

 

Nicole wasn’t the only one looking at Waverly and she knew it. Nicole knew that hopeful eyes followed Waverly wherever she went, everyone caught momentarily in her smile, and soon enough everyone around her was smiling.

 

Nicole couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen that smile.

 

Everyone used to say that you couldn’t help but smile if Waverly Earp smiled at you. It was as if, just for a moment, everything was going to plan, as if your world wasn’t going to collapse around you.

 

As if everything was okay.

 

When Waverly turned away from the counter, coffee in her hand, Nicole could feel her breath hitch in her throat.

 

Nicole knew Waverly would see her. Nicole didn’t blend in, her vibrant hair in complete contrast to the dull surroundings of the bleak city life she had chosen. She knew that Waverly couldn’t help but catch her eye. Waverly had always been drawn to the extraordinary, the different, and even ten years later, the brunette hadn’t changed, her eyes almost instantly finding Nicole’s.

 

In that moment, it was as if time had ceased, as if the years hadn’t past, as if they could fix what they had broken.

 

But they couldn’t, and Nicole knew that, deep down she knew that they were past the point of fixing anything. She knew she should have moved on by now, she shouldn’t feel like _this_ over a simple glance across a crowded room.

 

But she did.

 

Nicole wasn’t sure if she could ever look away, finding herself lost in this moment, wishing that this could last forever. The two of them caught in each other’s eyes, everything around them fading into nothing, as if it was just the two of them alone in the universe.

 

They weren’t alone though, and the woman bumping into Waverly brought them both back to reality.

 

Nicole let her eyes fall to the floor, for a brief second, trying desperately to ground herself and accept that this, _this_ was happening. But by the time Nicole let her eyes come back to where Waverly was stood, she saw an empty space and she felt her heart sink.

 

Ten years and Waverly could still make Nicole feel like _that_.

 

Nicole slowly shook herself out of the trance she had fallen into, going to order her coffee, pretending as if nothing had happened. 

 

“The usual?” The barista asked as Nicole walked to the counter, the redhead nodding in response, a weak smile stitched her face. Nicole glanced over her shoulder as she waited, hoping to catch a glimpse of Waverly out of the window, a light in a darkened crowd, an angel among the living.

 

Yet, Waverly was gone.

 

The barista pushed the coffee towards Nicole, prompting the redhead to hand over the already counted change from her hand, picking up the coffee and heading towards the door. It was the same door she left the coffee shop every day, but now it was the door that Waverly had walked out of.

 

Nicole went about her day as usual, her routine had become instinct, no longer thinking about what she did, instead she just did what she needed to as her thoughts wondered.

 

It had been some time since her thoughts had been about Waverly. It taken years for Nicole to be able to think about anything but Waverly and her perfect smile, her both delicate yet strong figure, the way her passion flowed through her veins and how she cared about everything to the point where it was dangerous.

 

Waverly had always done what she thought was best for everybody but herself, she had always pushed Nicole to be her best, to do anything and everything she needed, to be exactly who she wanted to be. That’s why Nicole was here, in the city with the job of her dreams, but if she’d had known ten years ago that it was going to cost her the love of her life, maybe, just maybe she wouldn’t have wanted this so much.

 

Nicole knew she should have fought harder, she should have stayed, she should have begged more and pleaded for the brunette to hear her. But Nicole also knew there was no point in fantasying about changing the past and she had let the thoughts of the future she could have had go a long time ago, accepting that Waverly was nothing more than a memory.

 

\--

 

_“Wynonna, please, I need to talk to her.” Nicole begging now, she needed someone to listen to the desperation in her voice, to hear how much she needed Waverly._

_“She doesn’t want to see you Haught, I can’t force her to.” Wynonna said, her voice tired. It had been three days since Waverly had moved back into the homestead, three days since she packed her bags and walked out of the place she had once called home._

_“Let me go see her, please.” Nicole’s voice was weak, her body heavy, her heart shattered._

_“I’m sorry.” Wynonna said as she took a step back, slowly closing the door as she did so, leaving Nicole alone._

_Nicole sunk to her knees, trying to comprehend what was happening, trying to find a way to fix this, to make time reverse so everything could go back to normal. The problem was, Nicole wasn’t sure what normal was anymore. She wasn’t sure when it had changed, how long-ago Waverly had started planning to leave._

_Nicole wasn’t sure how long she sat on the porch of the homestead, she wasn’t sure when she decided to stand up, she didn’t realise in that moment she’d given in._

_Nicole wasn’t sure why she looked back, maybe a naïve hope that Waverly would open the door, would let her try and make things right._

_She didn’t._

_When Nicole looked back at the homestead, she didn’t expect to see Waverly watching her from the window, her soft eyes piercing through the cold air surrounding Nicole._

_Nicole wondered how long she’d been watching._

_The silence between the two of them deafened Nicole, the redhead praying that Waverly would come to the door and say something, anything._

_Nicole always thought that the silence between them was temporary, that they would work things out. Little did Nicole know, that ten years later, the silence was still just as loud._

_\--_

Nicole had spent the whole day trying to distract herself, doing anything to stop her thoughts going back to Waverly and how perfect she still looked.

 

When Nicole got home that night, she couldn’t help but search Waverly’s name into her computer, curiosity getting the better of her.

 

It had been quite some time since Nicole had found herself scrolling through Waverly’s social media, usually finding things that she didn’t want to see, like Waverly being happy whilst she was miserable.

 

Nicole knew that it sounded awful, and of course she wanted Waverly to be happy, she wanted her to have everything the world had to offer. Waverly Earp deserved nothing but the best, and if Nicole wasn’t the best, then Waverly deserved better.

 

Nicole had once thought she could have been the best thing for Waverly, she could have been anything that the brunette had needed her to be, she would have done anything. Looking back, Nicole knows she could have been, but she wasn’t.

 

Hesitantly, Nicole clicked on the link to Waverly’s Facebook page, ignoring the warm feeling spreading through her chest as she saw a photo of the brunette. She had barely changed, the sparkle still in her warm eyes and her smile still brighter than the sun. She looked more mature now, wiser, as if she knew exactly what she wanted from life and how to get it.

 

Nicole let herself scroll through the photos, smiling as she saw familiar faces and people she once called her friends. Purgatory, it never changed, everybody knew everything about everyone. Nicole had once known them too.

 

Waverly barely posted, her mind far too focused on the world in front of her to concentrate on the virtual world. Others weren’t like her, they lost themselves online, forgetting about the world around them, busy capturing every moment in a photo instead of living in it. Thankfully for Nicole, that meant there was more of Waverly to see.

 

Nicole found out that Waverly had done teacher training a few years ago, that she’d travelled out of the boarders of Purgatory. It was something she’d always wanted to do.

 

\--

 

_“I need you to promise me.” Waverly said as she sat herself down on Nicole’s lap, Nicole leaning back on the couch to give the brunette some more space._

_“I promise.” Nicole laughed, glad that Waverly had finally pulled herself away from the computer. She had spent the last few hours going through holiday destinations that they couldn’t afford to go to, and whilst Nicole loved seeing Waverly like this, genuinely happy and content, deep down they could both feel the underlying understanding that they couldn’t go to any of these places. They barely had the money to leave Purgatory._

_But at least they had each other._

_“You do realise so far you’ve promised that you’ll take me to fifteen different countries.” Waverly said, running her hands through Nicole’s hair before locking her hands behind the redhead’s neck._

_“Yes, I am aware.” Nicole replied, knowing that she’d do anything for Waverly, including flying around the world so Waverly could go see the tigers in their natural habitat, even if that meant never being able to afford to eat again._

_“You can’t break a promise.” Waverly whispered as she leaned closer to Nicole, resting their foreheads together._

_“Is there a punishment if I do?” Nicole’s voice was now laced in a suggestive tone, Waverly’s proximity having more effect on Nicole than it should._

_“I wouldn’t like to find out if I were you.” Waverly bit her lip after she spoke, Nicole glancing down before looking back up into Waverly’s darkened pupils._

_“I think you should show me.”_   _Nicole whispered before puling Waverly closer and connecting their lips._

 

\--

 

Nicole wondered if Waverly went to all those places.

 

Nicole sighed as she realised she could still list all the places she had promised she would take Waverly.

 

Nicole turned off her computer, walking into her bedroom and collapsing onto her unmade bed. She never bothered making the bed. Nobody else saw her bedroom, she had no one to impress.

 

As Nicole pulled her uniform off, she couldn’t help but think how it wasn’t supposed to be like this. She wasn’t supposed to be sat alone in her one bedroom apartment. She was supposed to love the view from the top floor, she wasn’t supposed to look out into the busy and bright city and feel _nothing._

 

Waverly Earp wasn’t supposed to be able to make her feel alive for the first time that Nicole could remember since she had left ten years ago.

 

She was supposed to start again, move on, find someone new, and it wasn’t like she hadn’t tried to. She had gone on more dates than she could count, had relationships that never seemed to last, she had tried to fall in love, she had tried to feel something, anything, but she never did.

 

When she had first moved to the city, it was everything she wanted, she saw the bright lights and the crowds of people and she saw opportunity and beauty. She saw a community of people like her, people who wanted to make a difference, who cared about the other around them.

 

She saw women that made her heart stop, and if she ignored the aching in her chest, she could say she cared about them, she thought she could fall in love again.

 

After a decade Nicole could look back at laugh at her own optimism.

 

If Nicole forgot about Waverly, the first few years were still the hardest. Moving away from everything she had grown to love, everything she had called home. She was used to people caring, to interaction with anyone and everyone, she was used to being respected. It wasn't like that in the city, thousands of strangers living together in isolation.

 

Nicole had thought about going back, going home, but without Waverly, it wouldn’t be home anymore.

 

Purgatory had meant to be a stepping stone; a pit stop on the way to her dreams. Her dream of the big city, of making a difference, of being somebody.

 

She had achieved her dream, she was somebody, she was leading the juvenile police department of the city, making sure that rehabilitation was used instead of punishment. The rate of crime in youths was dropping rapidly because of her programme, she’d made a difference in so many lives, changed the paths that so many teenagers had found themselves on through no fault of their own.

 

Nicole pulled herself from her thoughts and considered going down to the bar, finding someone to take her mind off Waverly, off the past she wished she could change, but it felt wrong, finding someone else when all she could think of was Waverly. So, she closed her eyes, letting sleep take over her, hoping that she when she woke up, the thought of Waverly would be gone.

 

But it had even ten years, and Nicole knew better than to think that the thought of Waverly was going anywhere.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short chapter of Waverly's POV of the first time she sees Nicole after ten years. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it 
> 
> p.s it is an au so obsessed the fact Nicole wants to go to the city and leave purgatory is occ but in this au that's what Nicole wants
> 
> x

_22nd February 2028_

 

When Waverly caught Nicole’s eyes across the café, she wasn’t surprised. The second she stepped foot into the city, she had been waiting for the redhead to appear, for her to turn around and Nicole to just be _there._

Even after ten years the universe still seemed determined to play these sorts of games on Waverly.

 

Believing that everything happened for a reason, that everyone had a destiny, seemed to mean for Waverly that she could just tell when the universe was out for her.

 

Today was clearly one of those days.

 

Despite seeing it coming, Waverly still felt the air get knocked out of her lungs as she saw Nicole.

 

The redhead looked the same but wiser, a little more damaged, as if the city had beaten that trademark look of adventure, of drive, right out of her.

 

Waverly wondered what Nicole thought of her.

 

Waverly wondered if this was the first time Nicole had thought of her.

 

The first time in ten years.

 

It wasn’t the first time for Waverly.

 

She had spent years with Nicole on her mind. Her mind consumed by the thought of Nicole and how she cared, how she smelt, how it felt when she wrapped her hands round her waist.

 

But it had been years since Waverly had thought those things.

 

At least that is what she told herself.

 

_\--_

_“She wants to talk to you.” Wynonna said softly, walking over to Waverly’s bed where the brunette was._

_“Now she wants to talk, brilliant.” Waverly mumbled to herself, pulling the blanket that she had wrapped around herself higher, covering her face, hoping that everything would just stop._

_It didn’t._

_“Baby-girl, I can’t hear what you’re trying to say.” Wynonna said softly as she pulled the blanket back down, ignoring how her sister’s eyes were stained with tears, knowing nothing she said was going to help this, not right now anyway._

_“I don’t want to talk to her.” Waverly said, not looking at Wynonna as she did so, but she could see the look of concern written across the older Earp’s face._

_Wynonna had never thought she’d have to deal with this._

_“What do you want me to tell her?” Wynonna asked after a while, breaking the silence they had elapsed into._

_Waverly had preferred the silence._

_She didn’t know what she wanted to say to Nicole._

_Not anymore._

_She had wanted Nicole to speak to her instead of holding everything in until it broke them._

_She had wanted Nicole to realise that what she was doing was breaking them into a million pieces that were beyond being fixed._

_She wanted to tell Nicole that she loved her, that she had never felt the way that Nicole made her feel, that she would never forget her, but she couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t pretend that everything was fine when everything was wrong. When her safe place had become somewhere she didn’t want to be._

_“Tell her I don’t want to talk to her.” Waverly said, looking over to Wynonna, a soft smile plastered on her face._

_Wynonna didn’t say anything else. She just got up and left, Waverly listening to her open the front door and the muffled sounds of her telling Nicole what she had said._

_The door closed._

_Wynonna didn’t come back upstairs._

_  
Waverly had never felt so alone._

_She thought if she could look out of the window, maybe she’d catch a glimpse of Nicole._

_She hadn’t expected to see the redhead on her knees, her head in her hands._

_In that moment, Waverly nearly took it all back, she nearly ran down the stairs to tell Nicole that they could figure it all out, work past their problems. But Waverly knew that she couldn’t, that if the problem couldn’t be solved then all she was doing was dragging out the inevitable, and at this point, she felt like she’d dragged it out enough._

_\--_

Waverly barely noticed the women that knocked into her and then processed to apologise, her mind was too far gone, consumed by the past.

 

When Waverly looked back to Nicole, the redhead was looking down at the floor, so Waverly took an opportunity and headed to the door. She knew that if Nicole looked at her once more, she might not be able to leave, and she needed to, she couldn’t stay.

 

So, she left, not looking back, walking back out of there and back to her life as if nothing had happened, as if her and Nicole had never happened.

 

“What took so long?” Chrissy asked as Waverly walked back over to the school bus.

 

“The queue was really long.” Waverly said with a trademark smile.

 

“That’s the city for you.” Chrissy laughed as she climbed back onto the bus, raising her voice as she spoke to the children on-board.

 

\--

 

_“How have you never been to the city?” Nicole asked, her eyes wide in shock as Waverly shrugged off the question._

_“I just haven’t.” She said, keeping the fact she’d never even left the ghost river triangle to herself for now, she didn’t want Nicole thinking she was the definition of boring on their first date. Waverly knew she wasn’t boring, she knew why she had never left, but other people tended not to get it._

_“I’ll have to take you one day.” Nicole said with a sip of her beer, her eyes drifting over the length of Waverly’s body, making the brunette visibly shiver._

_“You will.” She replied in the same suggestive tone Nicole had given her._

_“It’s really beautiful.” Nicole said, and Waverly could see her eyes glaze over as Nicole thought of the city and the wonders she believed it held. “It’s where I’ll end up.” She added, mostly to herself._

_She wasn’t wrong._

_\--_

 

Waverly took another second before she joined her colleague, looking back at the coffee shop, hoping Nicole would step outside.

 

Even after ten years, Waverly was sure she could sit and watch Nicole and time would just fly.

 

She wasn’t supposed to feel like this, not anymore, yet she did.

 

Waverly pushed it aside, like she did with any thought that she couldn’t deal with, she pushed it aside for later. She knew one day it would all catch up with her, but as long as that wasn’t today, it didn’t matter.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week will be part two of this fic which will be going back to the first time Nicole and Waverly met, so hopefully I'll see you then! 
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope you enjoyed the first part of this series, I'm going to do my best to update every Wednesday from now on but if you don't want to miss it then subscribe to either series or my ao3 and then you'll get an email when it updates!
> 
> I'm also going to be making a playlist for this fic, as the title to every part will be from song lyrics that fit with the chapter, so if you want to keep an eye on that as well (I'll add a song every time I add a new part) then I'll add the link [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/omgitsjessjones/playlist/19Fe2EcBLsF0Tw6CaJEkhE?si=198YBRMJS62X_9SeThHtzA) but I will post it on twitter as well !!
> 
> (also comments are super super motivating and I really really appreciate each and every one of them, same goes for tweets and dms, it all means a lot so if you have a second let me know what you thought of this first part or what you think of the concept! or just say hi) <3 <3


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